Thursday, July 24th, 2014

Helping Men Understand…. Crying and Other Things

I believe there is a lot of misunderstanding in the CPA profession about the need for some special training and attention to the females working inside CPA firms. ┬áRecently, I have observed some men show bitterness and disbelief when the two words – women’s initiatives – were just mentioned.

Here’s a story of how simple understanding can make a difference….

This story is about a young, male CPA, experienced as a CPA but new to the role of managing partner in a smaller firm (about 20 people). In a smaller, the MP handled all of the performance reviews and other performance and personal related conversations with employees. This led to his first experience with women crying in the workplace and it made him extremely uncomfortable.

Luckily, he had a female firm administrator, he could talk to about his uneasiness. ┬áThis is where the understanding part comes into play. The FA advised him, “When women cry, it an emotion they have no control over. Almost all of the time it does not mean a thing – it doesn’t mean they are hurt, mad, fanatical, or sad – it does mean they care about the topic and simply cannot physically escape the tearing-up.” The young MP put a box of tissues on his desk and offered them when tears appeared and just kept going with the conversations.

Most of the time, the above story plays out. However, men often yell when they are angry and women show their anger with tears.

Women – when your emotions show via tears, acknowledge the emotion but don’t apologize, just move on.

Here’s an interesting article about crying in the workplace from Fortune.

What I have often observed is that occasionally a man will let tears flow – others think it is touching, heart-warming, etc. – – “He’s so caring….” When a women cries, she’s weak and emotional.

Inside your firm, DO THINGS to encourage understanding of emotions, work styles, and challenges for (and between) men and women and also between generations.

Here’s a great book to use as a resource: Why Must There Be Dragons

NJ Women Summit

  • "Any fool can know. The point is to understand."
  • Albert Einstein

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